


Over/Under

by didipickles



Series: Domestic Disputes [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Competitive Patrick, David feels very strongly about toilet paper directionality, M/M, Patrick is a troll, Sex, Smut, part of S5, s4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 13:23:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didipickles/pseuds/didipickles
Summary: Keeping his voice soft, Patrick spoke at David’s ear. “Hey, David?”“Mm?”“Did you change the way the toilet paper is facing?”***Patrick discovers that David has deep feelings about which way the toilet paper goes, and challenges him to a bet.





	Over/Under

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to the lovely souls at the Rosebudd who helped me take this from a midnight rambling idea to a full-fledged fic, and for all the encouragement along the way.

The first time Patrick noticed it, he brushed it off. He and David had taken advantage of a few hours when Ray was out of the apartment, so Patrick had a lot of other things he would rather remember and focus on and fantasize about. The issue was promptly forgotten.

After that, it was another three weeks before Patrick saw it again. David was spending the night and he and Patrick had traded a few quick, secret kisses as they passed each other in the hall, David on his way back to the room after his nightly skincare regimen. Still smiling, Patrick went into the bathroom and got himself ready for bed, rushing just a tiny bit. He was about to turn and leave, thoughts lingering on the soft t-shirt David had changed into for the night, when he saw it. David had done it again. With a little incredulous laugh, Patrick went back to his room and snuggled up behind David, looping an arm around him and kissing his ear softly.

Keeping his voice soft, Patrick spoke at David’s ear. “Hey, David?”

“Mm?”

“Did you change the way the toilet paper is facing?”

Silence fell for about ten full seconds, followed by an exasperated sound from David, who wiggled out of Patrick’s hold to turn around and face him. His eyebrows were anticipating a fight, Patrick could see it already. “Ray puts it in the wrong way,” David finally whispered.

“The _ wrong _ way?” Patrick replied, laughing at how clearly David’s armor had gone up over such an insignificant detail. Or at least, what _ he _ thought was an insignificant detail. 

“He had it going under! That is absolutely the wrong way!” David bit back, recoiling a little and looking expectantly at Patrick, as though that should be the end of it.

Patrick shook his head slightly and rolled onto his back. “I don’t think you can call someone’s toilet paper preferences wrong, David,” he said, knowing it would rile David up further. It was a delicate game, seeing how far Patrick could get David to go without broaching into dangerous territory. “How do you know Ray is the one who puts it in like that? Maybe I’m the one doing it,” he added nonchalantly, and snickered when he felt David tense up next to him.

“Absolutely _i__ncorrect, _Patrick. I very graciously have not mentioned the hideous vomit-colored shower curtain in Ray’s bathroom, or the decorative cat toilet seat cover, but I draw the line at the toilet paper issue.” His face was so serious, that little furrow between his eyebrows, and Patrick didn’t have much choice but to close the distance and kiss it away.

“I can’t guarantee Ray won’t just change it back,” Patrick whispered against David’s cheekbone, feeling gleeful at having access to this detail of David Rose’s psyche. David was endlessly fascinating. If it wasn’t the seemingly countless string of past relationships that appeared in anecdotes now and then, it was the stories about Alexis’ escapades and how David had rescued her, or the lavish birthday parties Mr. Rose had thrown Mrs. Rose. But Patrick relished learning the details he couldn’t have read in a tabloid. David likes cocoa powder on his caramel macchiato. David hates the smell of lavender but loves the flavor. David reads the same books as Mrs. Rose so he has something tangible to prove they’re alike. David wanted to be an astronaut as a kid until he realized Alexis and Adelina wouldn’t be able to come to space with him. David likes the toilet paper to go over, not under.

After that night, Patrick didn’t bring it up. Whenever David came over to Ray’s, the toilet paper roll would mysteriously change direction, and Patrick secretly thrilled every time. Truthfully, Patrick had never paid much attention to the direction of toilet paper before. As long as it was better than the single-ply tissue paper he’d used as a kid, he couldn’t care less which way it came off the roll. But that was before Patrick had found one of David’s hot buttons. The knowledge stayed safely tucked away, another detail in the ever-growing list of Things About David.

Until Patrick moved out of Ray’s. 

The first night after Patrick moved in, they’d been sitting on the couch watching a movie on Patrick’s laptop since his television wouldn’t arrive for a few days. David had excused himself to the bathroom, and as Patrick watched him saunter away to the curtained-off area (_tomorrow, I’ll have a door tomorrow, _ Patrick reminded himself) he grinned, waiting for the inevitable.

One, two, three, four, five, six - “Um, Patrick? What the fuck is this?” David poked his head out from behind the curtain and gestured wildly inside.

“It’s a bathroom, David.” 

“Why is your toilet paper facing the wrong way?” David had crossed his arms, and Patrick knew he’d hit the nerve. Early on, David crossed his arms a lot with Patrick. Some sort of defense mechanism, Patrick realized, and it made his heart hurt for all the time David had learned to keep himself wrapped up tightly. Now, though, he knew David was trying to look stern. Trying and failing.

“If it’s my apartment, isn’t the right way whatever way I want it?” Patrick said with a shrug, hoping he wasn’t giving away exactly how much he’d thought about this precise moment. 

David narrowed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. Appraising. Patrick stared back, keeping his face as free of expression as possible when he was looking at David. 

“Nope, I’m not doing this. Whatever this is-” David pointed an accusatory finger back into the bathroom and then at Patrick, “it’s not happening. The toilet paper is going in the correct way, and that’s that.” With a flourish, David disappeared back behind the curtain, and Patrick let out a breath. This was going to be fun. 

For about two weeks, things moved without incident. Then the housewarming party came along with all its drama and excitement. He and David had spent a memorable night talking about what would happen in the incredibly abstract and hypothetical scenario of a three-way with Ted, and then a week later David was pushing Ken with the smile at Patrick, practically begging him to go out. It wasn’t until Patrick was getting dressed for the date that he remembered the conversation he’d had with David about the three-way. Curled up that night in Patrick’s bed, Patrick pressed soft words into every inch of David’s skin, telling him over and over and over that he didn’t want anyone else, whispering I love yous until his lips and David’s eyes were wet with it.

Another two weeks passed, and then he decided to test the waters. Knowing David was coming to spend the night, Patrick flipped the toilet paper roll with a gleeful giggle. Taking care of David was Patrick’s favorite thing, but riling David up was a very close second. In fact, Patrick had once lost about 20 minutes trying to make up his mind which one he liked better. After making a list and staring at it for much longer than necessary, he’d balled up the piece of paper and thrown it away, content that David loved when Patrick did either. He could still clearly remember David’s rant about what was and wasn’t correct in the store last time Patrick had really gotten him going, and how he’d accidentally let the word “boyfriend” slip. Patrick wondered what sort of gift would come this time, if he could get David like that again.

When David arrived, Patrick kept a close eye on him, watching as David meticulously unpacked his overnight garment bag and then took the smaller toiletry bag to the bathroom. The result was almost instantaneous. 

“Patrick, this isn’t funny,” David called from the bathroom. 

“Oh, I think it’s _ very _ funny,” Patrick responded, lounging back on the couch with hands behind his head. He loved the imagery of David not even being able to wait until he’d unloaded his bag to flip the toilet paper back around. 

David was shooting daggers when he came back from the bathroom, but Patrick just smiled sweetly at him. 

“Why are you torturing me like this?”

Patrick slipped a hand behind David’s head as he sat down next to him. “Maybe this is another good lesson in compromise, David. What do you say? Think you can handle a week without changing the toilet paper to go your way?”

“It’s not my way, it’s the _ correct _ way.” David tilted his head slightly, a wary look on his face, but he pushed into Patrick’s stroking fingertips on the back of his scalp. “And why would I do that?” 

“Oh, I’m sure we could come up with some kind of reward.” Patrick dropped his voice, his fingers moving down to the sensitive skin at the base of David’s skull. “What do you think?”

The look on David’s face was enough to tell Patrick he’d won. “I suppose I might be able to possibly do it if the stakes were high enough.” 

Leaning in, Patrick dropped his voice again (“sexy confident businessman,” as David had once labelled it). “What are your conditions?”

David considered, fingers idly pulling at a loose thread at the bottom of Patrick’s shirt. Patrick absolutely loved the way David had grown into touching him at every opportunity, like it was as natural as breathing. When Rachel had told Patrick about love languages, he automatically assumed physical touch was the bottom of his list, until he started being touched by the right person. “Okay,” David said, pulling Patrick back to the game at hand. “For one week I don’t fix the toilet paper. And then it stays the correct way forever, _ and _ I get to lay you out on your stomach and rim you until you cum and then fuck you just like that.”

Patrick’s eyebrows rose and he smirked just a little, just enough for David to see. “And that’s supposed to be _ losing _ for me?”

With an eyeroll, David maneuvered so he was leaning back against Patrick’s chest. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten how weepy and needy you were after I did it last time.”

“And what happens if you break?”

David snorted. “I have more self-control than that.”

“The evidence doesn’t really support you on that one, David,” Patrick hummed, teasing even as his hands sprawled out over David’s chest, arms wrapping comfortably around him.

“Fine. If I lose, what do you want?” 

“So many options, how do I choose?” Patrick murmured, biting the top of David’s ear and then blowing to make him giggle. After David stopped squirming, Patrick spoke again. “If you lose, you have to open at the store on a Saturday, and you have to ride me until we both cum, no other position.”

Silence followed, and Patrick knew he’d found the perfect balance. David hated opening, and he always complained that his legs got tired when he rode Patrick, but Patrick also knew the challenge of it would be a thrill. That David immediately didn’t rebuff was victory. Finally, David ventured a question. “And would I have to do said riding at the store on the Saturday I open?”

“Mm, that doesn’t sound like the best use of company time,” Patrick countered, scratching softly at the skin right above David’s waistband on his stomach, having already pulled his sweater up just enough. “No, I think it would have to be the night before. So you can really feel it the next day.” David’s responding groan sounded mostly annoyed, but with a touch of interest. Patrick just laughed and pulled him tighter against his chest, dropping a kiss behind his ear. “But if you have as much self-control as you say, it won’t matter because I won’t win.” 

“Don’t pretend to placate me, I _ do _ have self-control, and I _ am _ going to win.”

“Okay, David.” Patrick was definitely going to win.

***

Patrick might not win.

Five days had passed, and the toilet paper was still facing under. Patrick thought David might hold out for two days, maybe three, but now things were starting to get a little alarming. 

The day after the bet started, Patrick watched David do mental stretches every time he prepared himself to go to the bathroom. He’d furrow his ever-expressive eyebrows and roll his shoulders back, take two deep breaths, and then excuse himself. Even when he was just heading in to brush his teeth, David would follow the same routine. 

Three days after the bet started, David nearly managed to look nonchalant when he headed to the bathroom, and Patrick started hearing potential alarms. He’d waited nearly a year holding on to this little detail, and he was _ not _ about to get beaten at his own game. David’s stubbornness sometimes yielded excellent results, like when he’d gotten them an upgraded suite at the Elm Valley Inn because the tub flooded, or when he opened a beautiful store that changed both their lives even after finding out that his parents had kept his previous ventures afloat. Patrick loved how determined David was. But Patrick also loved to win. 

Patrick managed to get to the bathroom first on the night of the fifth day. As he stood brushing his teeth, he gave the toilet paper roll a dirty look. There was a lot depending on this, and Patrick decided to turn things up a notch. Before leaving the bathroom, he carefully took the roll off and set it sideways on its holder. There’s no way David would be able to handle that, and then it would be game over. Feeling significantly better, Patrick gave David a soft kiss as they passed each other outside the door, and then turned to watch as David looked around.

Sniggering, Patrick watched David’s mouth fall open into that slightly sideways gaping look. 

“That’s against the rules!” David burst out, whirling on Patrick immediately.

“Uh-uh, nope. The rules were that you couldn’t change the toilet paper to go over,” Patrick responded, feeling the competitive edge flair up in him. God, he loved winning. “No rules about what I could do with it.” David’s mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyebrows dancing double-time, which just made Patrick laugh again before he leaned up and kissed David’s nose. “Go do your nightly routine, you’ve got an early morning vendor visit.”

With a huff, David closed himself into the bathroom, and Patrick slid under the covers, feeling confident. 

When he slipped out of bed at 3 am, the toilet paper was still sitting where he’d left it on the holder._ Dammit_. Crunch time, Patrick thought. It wasn’t that he’d mind David’s winning condition; it had been a while since he’d been rimmed to orgasm, and it was something he’d have asked for soon anyway. But Patrick would rather go a month without David’s mouth on him than lose a bet after a year of planning. Okay, that might be a bit hyperbolic, he thought, but the point remained. He’d managed to keep his competitive nature mostly under wraps throughout the relationship - David didn’t play baseball, and the occasional game nights they had were meticulously curated by David to “avoid it getting yelly.” But he figured David would have to learn eventually: Patrick Brewer did not lose.

Before heading back to bed, Patrick decided to pull a Hail Mary. Picking up the toilet paper, he bent down and laid it on the ground, rolling it a little so it left a trail across the bathroom floor. If that didn’t work, maybe Patrick deserved to lose.

The next morning was one of the rare times that David had to leave before Patrick, as he needed to drive to a farm an hour outside town to pick up a new batch of cheeses and jams for the store. Patrick woke up enough to feel David roll out of bed, mumbled a “see you later,” and promptly fell back asleep. When he heard the front door close, Patrick jolted awake. David normally took care to close the door quietly, but he’d actually slammed it this time, and Patrick looked around in a daze before he remembered. The toilet paper.

Springing up, Patrick felt his heartbeat quicken. This whole game was probably inane, and definitely not something to be so excited over, but Patrick couldn’t help himself. He took a deep breath and pushed the bathroom door open, revealing an empty floor. With a grin Patrick saw the toilet paper had been moved back to the roll, the paper going over just the way David liked. He then noticed a square that had been torn off and written on sitting on the edge of the bathroom counter. 

_ You’re a monster. See you at the store. _

_ x _ _  
_ _ P.S. Today is Friday, so I guess I’m opening tomorrow. _

Biting his lip, Patrick read the note five, ten, fifteen times, his smile getting wider and wider. Winning the game felt amazing, just like winning always did. But Patrick was overcome in the moment with something else, something that felt a lot bigger than even “I love you” had. This felt more like forever. He knew it was still too soon, he hadn’t even told his parents, but something about this silly little bet made Patrick’s heart expand. He loved this man with every single ounce of himself: loved to tease him mercilessly, loved to hold him in the dark quiet stillness of a bad day, loved to have him in his home and in his bed and in his heart. David had said “five years from now” with certainty, and Patrick knew right then that yes, five years from now it _ was _ certain they’d be together. 

Patrick shook his head, stopping his train of thought before he started crying in the middle of his bathroom staring at a piece of toilet paper. God, he loved David so much. And he couldn’t wait to rub this in his face.

***

By the time David arrived at the store, Patrick was buzzing. His dad had once told him after a particularly brutal game of Monopoly that he was a sore winner, and Patrick had to concede. As soon as he saw David, he fixed a pleasant smile on his face, knowing David would recognize his customer-service look and find it endlessly obnoxious. 

David crossed to the counter and set the box from the vendor down, then reached up a hand and put his finger on Patrick’s lips. “Shh, nope, no talking from you.” Patrick countered by taking the pad of David’s finger between his lips, and was gratified when David’s mouth opened slightly. “You play so dirty, Brewer,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes and extracting his finger.

“I play to win,” Patrick responded, grabbing David’s wrist and keeping his hand still so he could suck his finger into his mouth again. David watched with wide eyes until the bell chimed and Patrick casually let David’s finger pop out of his mouth. “Let me know if you need any help,” he called to the customer, then dropped his voice so only David could hear. “Sure is a shame I don’t get your tongue inside me tonight,” he hummed. “But I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow after a long, long night.”

David’s face was equal parts annoyed, resigned, and affectionate as he picked the box up again and moved around to go into the back. “_ So _ dirty,” David repeated. Patrick grinned all the way to his ears and moved to help the customer.

Patrick spent the rest of the day alternating between teasing and soothing David, loving the reactions he got either way. During dinner at the cafe after closing the store, Patrick pushed his foot forward and ran it up David’s calf, just once to distract David from the story he was telling. He thought David might kick him, but instead David rubbed his own foot up Patrick’s leg and settled it in his lap, kneading just slightly for a few seconds before dropping it, a challenging glint in his eye. Patrick raised an eyebrow and smiled just a little before changing the subject. Over the course of dinner, David did it three more times, and Patrick had to discreetly walk behind him when they left so as not to give away his situation.

As soon as they walked into Patrick’s apartment, Patrick pushed David against a wall and bit a deliberate spot below his ear. “You are an infuriating tease, David,” he said, licking at the bite mark.

David quickly grabbed Patrick’s shoulders and pushed him until it was Patrick backed up against the wall. “And you fucking cheated, Patrick,” David said, not a trace of real anger in his voice.

“Want to know something?” Patrick asked, holding David’s waist and maneuvering them through the apartment. Once they were next to the couch, Patrick leaned in. “I think you look sexy as hell when you ride me.” His fingers tugged at the bottom of David’s sweater and he brought his lips to brush against David’s ear as he spoke. “Maybe if you’re very, very good, I’ll even let you keep the toilet paper the way you like.”

David shivered, and Patrick honestly wasn’t sure if it was from the compliment or the promise of David getting his way. Patrick released his hold on David and moved to get a fresh towel. In answer to David’s questioning look, Patrick laid it out on the couch. “Oh, didn’t I mention? You’re riding me here, baby.” Smirking, Patrick quickly started to strip, and moved close when David did the same. 

“It’s easier on the bed,” David said slowly, folding the last of his clothes and laying them over the arm of the sofa.

“If it’s easier on the bed, then it’s not much of a win for me, is it, David?” Patrick went and grabbed the lube from the bedside table and came back to the couch. “Kneel backward on the couch so I can open you up.”

Astonishingly, David didn’t fight back, but instead obediently crawled onto the couch, kneeling and leaning forward over the back, his ass sticking out. 

“So pretty, god,” Patrick whispered, kneeling down on the ground behind David and biting an asscheek. David yelped and Patrick laughed, switching to the other cheek and biting there for good measure. He coated his fingers in lube and quickly started working David open. Some nights, Patrick drew it out until David was writhing and begging for another finger. Tonight however, he barely waited until David had stretched around one finger before adding another, and then another. “Think you can take me like this?” He asked, lips at the small of David’s back. “Are you ready for it?” 

David’s legs had already started to shake. “Yeah, fuck, ready, ready,” he choked out, hips pushing back hungrily on Patrick’s fingers. 

Patrick placed one last kiss on David’s back before pulling his fingers out and standing. “Off,” he said, pulling David up off the couch. “Look what you left for me,” Patrick cooed, leaning down and rubbing a wet spot on the towel from David’s leaking cock. He turned to David and kissed him hard, their torsos and cocks rubbing together. Patrick knew he could cum just like this, just feeling David’s body against his own. But he had a bet to collect on. He broke the kiss and sat down, leaning back. “You remember the rules?”

David rolled his eyes, not managing to look even slightly annoyed as his cock jutted up, thick and flushed against his stomach. “Yes, I remember the rules. No other positions, we both cum.”

“Good. So let’s get to it.” Patrick winked up at David and grabbed his hand, guiding him to sit on his lap, their breaths close. Picking a favorite way to have sex with David was an impossible task, but Patrick did have a soft spot for this. He loved when David rode him and he could _ feel _ more than hear David’s soft panting and ragged moans. And soon after Patrick had started bottoming, he’d discovered he absolutely _ loved _ riding David, and had the thigh strength to do it for ages. Those years playing catcher had really paid off. 

A few brief moments passed as David shifted around and dug his knees into the couch on either side of Patrick’s hips, and then he was reaching back, rubbing a lube-covered hand over Patrick’s cock and guiding it to his hole. Patrick fought the urge to let his head fall back, knowing that David seldom looked more beautiful than when he first filled himself with Patrick’s cock. He watched as David’s head tilted to the side, eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration until he started to lower himself, and then his face tightened for a short second before going totally open and slack. _ I’m going to marry this man one day, _Patrick thought. The suddenness of it startled him, and he jerked a little to clear the thought away, inadvertently pushing himself up the rest of the way into David and drawing a low groan from him.

“Ohhhh,” David hummed, eyes opening so he could look at Patrick. It had taken a long time and many hit-and-misses before David became the one to initiate eye contact in sex, but it had been worth the trial and error. Patrick’s body lit up as their eyes met, and he dug his fingers hard into David’s hips, holding him still as he rolled his own hips up slowly, stretching David further around his cock.

“You look so damn good like this, David,” Patrick whispered, sliding one hand up David’s back to his hair so he could pull him into a kiss. He licked at David’s mouth, needing to be inside him everywhere, as much as possible. But then David started a slow lift and drop, and Patrick lost the ability to focus on anything other than the gorgeous slide of him up and down on his cock, squeezing in all the right ways.

“Jesus, yeah, deep like that,” Patrick growled, opting to bury his face in David’s neck, finding the bite mark he’d left earlier and sucking at it. He wanted to be all over David, written on every inch of his skin. 

“Mhm, I know how you like it,” David murmured back, holding tight onto Patrick’s shoulders for leverage as he pushed himself down and pulled back up. “You like when I’m on you like this, taking you deep, doing all the work,” David said, laughing around the words.

“Only fair, since - _ god _ \- since you lost the bet,” Patrick breathed back, his hips rocking up with David’s now, unable to stay still. Truth be told, it was easier for both of them on the bed, but Patrick didn’t want any space between them. Leaning against the back of the couch, Patrick fastened his hands on David’s hips again and started to fuck up quickly into him. “Touch your cock for me, David, make yourself feel good. Do it,” Patrick said, voice gruff now.

David let go of one of Patrick’s shoulders immediately, reaching between them to take his cock in hand. “Fuck me, c’mon, fuck me, make me cum Patrick, fuck me,” David panted, trying his best to move with Patrick. 

“Yeah? You gonna cum for me? You look so good, feel so fucking good, David,” Patrick said, feeling a telltale tingle in his spine. David’s legs were probably killing him by now, so Patrick held him slightly up off his lap and thrust up hard over and over. “C’mon David, cum for me so I can cum inside you, c’mon baby.”

“Patrick, Patrick, there, there, _ right fucking there!” _David’s mouth fell open as he came between them, shooting cum up onto Patrick’s chest and stomach. He lifted and dropped himself for another 15 seconds or so, and then keened as another small dribble of cum leaked out from him. 

“So good, so good, David, that’s it,” Patrick said, feeling sweat on his temples. “Taste yourself for me, baby.”

David’s eyes were sparkling as he ran a finger through the cum on Patrick’s chest. Instead of taking it into his own mouth, he put his finger to Patrick’s lips just as he’d done earlier in the store. Patrick’s mouth automatically opened and he sucked David’s finger into his mouth, humming around it as he licked David’s cum. His hips were still working, a bit slower now, and he felt a tightness in his lower back that told him he was close. 

“Ride me, David, I’m close, I’m so close,” Patrick whispered, and then moaned as David immediately started to rock back and forth, keeping Patrick deep as he did. He grabbed one of Patrick’s hands from his hips, covered it in cum, and then pulled it into his own mouth. That sensation and visual was enough, and Patrick dropped his head back as he roughly thrust a few more times, emptying himself inside David. “F-fuck, fuck,” he choked out.

“I know,” David murmured, leaning in and kissing Patrick deep and dirty, his cum on both of their tongues. 

“Fuck, that was good.”

David looked dazed and he nodded. Once they got their breaths back, David started to move and then grimaced as he tried to extract himself and stand. “Ugh, my thighs are going to kill me tomorrow,” he said, stretching as he stood.

Patrick stood and pulled David close. “Maybe that will teach you not to go in on a bet against me.”

“Ha ha, very funny. The toilet paper goes back to normal now.”

Patrick tilted his head. “I don’t think that was part of the arrangement…”

“Oh my god. Let’s go shower. _ Some _of us have to work in the morning.”

A month later, Patrick flipped the toilet paper again.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @thedidipickles and twitter @didipickles2


End file.
